she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
