Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
3pm strippers are depressing
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize