OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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