You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
