screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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