I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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