Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
