I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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