There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
