He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
