Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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