Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize