Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
