Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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