I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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