If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
