Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my poor anus
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
