How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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