puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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