mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
