office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
