I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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