I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
