she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
