walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
