I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize