she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
