I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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