I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You left your phone here
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