ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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