I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize