i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
