can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
