Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
