Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish my penis had an off switch
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
