i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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