Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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