I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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