I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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