U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We have started to decorate penises.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
