I'm pants shitting drunk right now
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize