apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
