i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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