Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
