So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
