New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
