I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
