just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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