omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
