nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
