i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
