STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize