I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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