I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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