tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
