Christians are straight up FREAKS
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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