The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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