This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
