I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
