I'm so fucking centered right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize