Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
