You can't special order awesome
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
