Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
