Plan B is the new Plan A
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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