i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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