Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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