He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
