I heard we made out
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize