he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
