Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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